Thanks to BabySpencey for the Photos!

As you get ready for the day, you glance into the living room and see your little boy playing with his Legos or plushy, dressed in his diaper and the cute t-shirt with the little cuddly bears on it.

You hear him make little gurgle noises as he plays, you watch as he sucks on his paci, and you see the happy face of….well, of a toddler or little boy – someone who looks like a grown man to a lot of the world, but who looks to you like a baby boy in diapers.

As you get ready to take your little guy out shopping there’s a part of you that wants to just slip him into a pair of overalls with snaps up the legs, or if it’s warm enough shortalls with a paci pinned to his shirt.

But being a Daddy to an adult baby means respecting limits – not just for your little guy, but for other people in the world too.

So is there a magic ‘limit’ you shouldn’t cross with your little boy in public? If you dress him in more ‘adult’ clothes does it mean you don’t recognize that he’s really just a baby boy who needs his Daddy and his diapers?

Safety and Boundaries

First, as a Daddy, the most important thing you can do is to help make your little guy feel safe to be who he is: an adult baby who needs to express the toddler inside, the little boy – but who also has an ‘adult’ side with responsibilities and friends and his own limits and boundaries.

Over time, you’ll discover what those boundaries are. Some little guys will have very few: they’re proud of who they are and don’t mind if all the world knows. It’s a decision they’ve made and you can feel comfortable respecting that decision.

Others might have school or jobs and for them it’s very important to have a balance between the ‘adult’ things they want in life and knowing that in spite of that they’re still your baby boy and need more than anything a lot of space to express the little sides of themselves and all the needs they have.

Establishing an understanding of what makes your little guy feel secure in the world is something that will change over time and the way that it changes is the reason you’re his Daddy: to be there as you build a safe ‘island’ in the world for who he is, and to explore new ways to care for him over time.

Diapered at the Mall

Once you understand your little guy’s limits….it’s also time to understand your own: your own needs and what makes you feel connected to your little boy.

For example, imagine you take your little guy to the mall to buy new shoes. Or to a movie to watch the new Disney movie. How would you feel as his Daddy if he didn’t have a diaper on?

For myself, keeping a little guy in diapers is an important way to let him know that you love him for being your little boy, and knowing he’s diapered makes me feel safe and secure.

Knowing that he’s protected and that he’ll need Daddy to check and change him is a special feeling for me and gives me an important sense of connection.

Even if a little boy is nervous about wearing diapers in public, your job as his Daddy is to make him feel secure and to gently protect him and make him know that everything will be all right.

BabySpencey Almost Ready for School

As his Daddy, you can diaper your little boy and dress him for a day out and know you’re making the right decision: a toddler needs his diapers, and you’re simply  fulfilling his needs.

He may be nervous, but in this case Daddy knows best: only you and your little guy will notice the crinkle as he walks down the street, or notice the diaper peeking up slightly at the back of his jeans.

Dressed for a Day
But other than diapers, how should you dress your little guy for a day out?

It might depend if you’re going for dinner with friends. Or maybe you’ve planned a Daddy/Son day at the zoo.

But I think of dressing a little boy for a day out as the ‘magic of the in-between’ – finding clothes and outfits that are somewhere ‘in-between’ adult and baby boy.

For example, a onesie with cute bears on it might be too babyish, but a t-shirt with Toy Story characters on it is ‘in-between’.

A paci on a ribbon might be too babyish, but a paci on a little silver chain can look like he’s a cool club kid (or gang member, I guess – so maybe it depends where you live! HAHA)

Or think of getting him some colorful sneakers with velcro straps instead of laces. Or a backpack with cartoon characters on them.

There are lots of ways to make sure your boy feels happy and comfortable being your little boy – without offending other people or stepping over boundaries.

As a Daddy you can be creative in making sure your adult baby boy always knows that you’re his Daddy and that there’s no ‘on/off’ switch for being little.

But what about you? If Daddy dressed you for a day out, what are your limits? What’s your favorite outfit for a trip to the movies or the mall? And do you mind when Daddy diapers you for a day at the park?

Two superstars! *wave hi to Floppy!*

You’re at school or work and you can’t focus. Every time you feel your diaper grow a little warmer under your jeans or pants you feel a little blush and remember your Daddy.

You can’t help slipping your hand in your pocket to feel your paci, and touching it reminds you that no matter where you are you are Daddy’s little boy regardless of what the rest of the world sees.

But today you’re distracted because there’s something on your mind. Something’s been gnawing at you and you really want to tell Daddy but every time you think of it you feel a flutter in your tummy and you feel your face turn red.

You spend the day working yourself up to telling him. You try to picture the conversation and you might even convince yourself: “I can be a bigger boy and just take a deep breath and get it out. I’ll tell him and then I’ll feel a lot better.”

Best Laid Plans
When you get home Daddy meets you at the door. You’re ready to just blurt it out. But the first thing he does is check your diaper and something inside you turns all soft and floaty.

Maybe Daddy senses it – but he takes care in changing your diaper first, putting you in a cute play suit, romper or shortalls.

Before you know it your plan to tell Daddy has, well, changed. And suddenly you find that it’s Daddy who starts the conversation.

Somehow he has sensed a feeling bubbling up inside you. He cuddles you on the couch and he can sense your body language, your tone of voice, the way you hug your plushy close to your chest.

And instead of you being the one to bring up a topic, it’s Daddy who says:

“Baby, what’s on your mind. You can tell Daddy.”

Being Safe to Be Little
Being a Daddy to an adult baby or little boy is filled with joy. But it’s also filled with lessons that might not seem obvious at first.

When you start a relationship with an AB or little boy there will be (and should be) lots of space for ‘adult’ talk.

An AB is both and adult and a baby. As a Daddy you are helping to give a safe, secure and trusting space for him to express the sides of himself that may have been bottled up for years, but which have been part of him since as long as he can remember.

You give assurance and trust by sharing ‘adult’ feelings and histories and by using those discussions to understand boundaries, triggers and how his ‘little’ side fits into his larger world view.

But over time, as your little guy feels more comfortable in being who he is, then he’ll start seeing you as a true parent figure.

More and more, you’ll find that he has difficult ’shifting’ from a toddler or baby space into that mind-set when you first met.

Simple Secrets and Being a Daddy
Being a Daddy to an adult baby or little boy is filled with joy. But it’s also filled with lessons that might not seem obvious at first.

Your little guy will have things he really wants to say but will have difficulty saying them. When you first met him, it might have felt like he was happy to confess every fantasy, dream or desire – whether about being a little boy or more adult things.

But as time goes on, he will feel safe. He will sense your care and guidance. And he will increasingly look to you for direction and to sense the feelings that he needs protected or understood.

But this can be confusing, especially if you’re a first-time Daddy.

You’ll sense that your little guy has something on his mind, and you’ll immediately think it’s something important. The way he seems to bottle something up, the way he blushes as he tries to tell you, the way he pulls his blanky up so it covers his face – your mind will be spinning with scenarios and you’ll be expecting something ‘monumental’.

But remember, he’s your little boy. He’s your toddler. He’s diapered and dressed by you, bathed and changed by you.

And more often than not, the ‘big confession’ will be something simple:

- He spilled some juice on the floor and didn’t tell you
- He was mean to his plushy one night (your little guy will often have important ‘events’ related to his plushy) – maybe he forgot his plushy while he was watching cartoons and feels guilty about it
- When he was at school, he didn’t change his diaper as quickly as he should have because of circumstances
- He used a mild swear word and feels horrible about it.

As a Daddy, these might seem like trivial things.

They’re not.

Small things take on very big meanings for your little guy and you need to treat them with all of the assurance and understanding that you would for any toddler.

Baby Spencey - Cute Lil Boy (thanks for the photo!)

The Big Stuff of Being Little
And then there’s the ‘big stuff’. The most common things are related to confessions or boundaries.

These are the things where maybe your little guy really has done something really wrong and he knows it.

Or maybe he wants to ask you for something and it might be a major topic for him.

One example that comes to mind is a little guy who confesses to you that he wishes you would give him a proper bed time. Or maybe he’s unsure about your feelings about something like messy diapers and he wants to know what you think.

In all cases, the first thing to remember is that however you respond, he will be feeling vulnerable, possibly afraid, worried about whether he’ll upset you or scare you away, or concerned about the consequences of you saying no.

How a Daddy Responds

Every Daddy will have his own approach and it will depend on the topic, but I suppose there’s a few things that might help think through how you respond:

1. There are boundaries. Those boundaries should always be openly discussed and your respect for those boundaries should be absolute. Very common boundaries include things related to ‘adult’ touching, punishment, public displays, or family members. You need to know what those boundaries are and your respect for those boundaries is of absolute and paramount importance. You need to determine if the issue is related to those boundaries and address it accordingly.

2. So long as it’s within the safe space of the Daddy/son relationship and his (and your) boundaries are being respected, just remember: you’re the Daddy. Your decision will stand. You can ask his opinion, ask how he feels, but at the end of the day you’re in a position to decide what’s right, what makes sense, and what’s going to keep your little guy safe and secure.

3. Take your time. He might press you or want an answer, a response, but you should also feel very confident that you can take your time. You don’t need to solve every problem right now. Sometimes it’s better to wait a day or two, or to help a little guy deal with one issue at a time.

4. If you are disappointed, hurt or you feel he has done something bad or wrong, express it right away. If he has done something bad, hurtful or wrong the consequences of that on your feelings should be made clear. How you feel should be clear, how you will act about it can be deferred as you think about what he has done.

5. Keep an open mind, always. Maybe there are things he wants to explore which you’ve never thought about. You don’t respond immediately and can try to understand where his feelings are coming from. But also don’t let an issue linger too long – your job as a Daddy is to establish structure and safety for your little guy.

Fears and Joy

But most of all remember this: your little guy will be filled with joy at being able to express who he is. You have given him a gateway to that joy, just as he has given one to you.

Understand that this may be the most emotional, connected and important relationship he has been in with someone.

His greatest fear will be losing you, just as you will fear losing him.

No matter what he has done, no matter what he has asked for, no matter how small or big the secret or request – you need to respond honestly with your disappointment or uncertainty, but you also need to respond in the full knowledge that these things are not things that will break the bonds you have together.

You will learn and grow from these moments, and that have the potential to deepen the very special, sometimes fragile, but incredibly deep relationship between a Daddy and adult baby boy.

And finally – there’s an expression which should be adapted for your life as a Daddy.

It’s not “never go to bed angry”. It’s “never let him go to bed without a diaper”.

Because whatever happens, never let your little guy go to bed without knowing he’s still your little boy.

Make sure he has his diaper, his paci, and that one of his last memories of the day is Daddy tucking him in, kissing his forehead and saying: “I love you baby boy, and my world is better because of you.”

From Tumblr - credit anyone?

I wanted to send out a special thank you to one of our regular readers, and to share with you comments which I think are profound and heart-felt.

BabyJohnnie has really helped to put into words things that I find difficult to do. He has clearly thought a lot about what ‘adult baby’ means to the broader culture, and his comments always touch me, amaze me, and make me feel proud to be even loosely part of a community that can have such brilliant and wise contributors.

Yesterday, BabyJohnnie had this to say:

.. and the number of visiters to this site demonstrates how many people there are who crave the gentle nurturing love that is expressed here..

The media-driven world in which we now find ouselves is a noisy brutal crowded-out world, a world driven by fear, sexual pleasure, domination, requirement and demand, theat and litigation ..

As Pope Benedict once put it, humanity bellows and brays, and has forgotten how to sing and fly with the birds, or to be silent with the silent depths..

Many of the people who visit this site are no doubt already babies or daddies ( or, as with me, both !), but maybe some visiters are just people who feel instinctivly that this modern artificially created world is not a healthy place to be, who feel some itch of dissatisfaction, and who find here some hint or awareness that there may be other more gentle ways of being-in-the-world.

I find the huge growth in the numbers visiting this site encouraging. There are many, apparently, who are fascinated by a “counter culture” like the AB world.

Baby Johnnie (Sydney, Australia.)

And I’ll share this one as well:

Thank you for the insightful phrase “sensual caring”. Of course there is sensual delight in caring for a baby, or in being cared for as a baby.

This is the way it is in nature, and the way it must be.. How confused and unloved a baby of any age would feel if the mother ( or father ) who cared for him never felt a warm sensual thrill when hugging him or powdering him, touching and caressing his soft skin. Most mothers who breatfeed will testify that breastfeeding is a highly sensual bonding experience for both mother and child. Really, love that has no element of warm sensuality is not lover at all, but just some sort of duty.

In a dirty-minded media-brainwashed world most people can only understand this sensual delight in terms of “sexuality”, and some of us have been made to experience guilt or self-doubt, a fear that we might be “sexual perverts”, “in denial”, hiding behind an AB excuse.. But “sensual” does not necessarily imply “sexual”.

Thank you for your most tender and gentle website.

James ( Sydney, Australia ).

Now, I don’t really like to single out one person. Because whether you simply read this blog or comment I can assure you that every one of you makes a difference in my life.

I have found my own form of self-acceptance because of you, I read every comment, and I will often think about things you write or share for days afterwards.

You are all inspirations and I wish you all the best for 2012.

(Now, anyone want to volunteer to be the 2012 New Years Baby? )

Thanks D and Sammy for the photo!

There’s a little game people play: if you were stranded on a deserted island, what three people/books/movies would you want with you.

Today, I thought we’d play the game too!

But here’s the question (and yes, I’ve added two so it’s not such an agonizing decision):

If you were stranded on a deserted island (which magically has a crib and a lifetime supply of diapers) what five items would you want to bring with you?

Now, I suppose little guys will always look for sneaky ways to bend the rules. So you might put “my baby wardrobe!”….but I’m really interested in knowing what things you have a special attachment to.

Would you want onesies or rompers? Shortalls or your paci? Your plushy or your bottle?

Different little guys will have different things that make them feel special or that they have a special attachment to.

What are your five things?

Thank you Brandyn for the photos! *Snuggles!*

If you’re a new Daddy (or Mommy!) to the world of taking care of an adult baby or little boy, it can sometimes feel like you’re learning a new language. Or, at the very least, you’re learning an old language all over again!

Terms that seem like a contradiction will soon make perfect sense. An ‘adult baby’ is amazing because he is both – an adult who can talk to you about his day, a book he read, or what happened at school – and a little boy who has the gift of being able to express the tender sides of himself and who needs his Daddy to check his diapers and read him a story before bed.

In chat the other night, a relative newcomer to the community asked: “What’s a Big Bro?” and I realized that it was another term that might cause confusion because it has a meaning that is often very specific to certain communities.

In most cases, a ‘big brother’ (or sister) refers to someone who plays a caretaker role but who might need care also.

So, an adult baby might meet another “little”. They both feel young inside, they might both feel like toddlers, and they might both feel safe and secure in their diapers and snuggling their teddy bears.

But together, one of them might gravitate to being an “older brother” and he’ll play more of a caretaker role for his other little friend.

The Joy of Family
For many little guys, meeting a Daddy fills an important role in their life. They may have had a wonderful childhood, they may love their biological parents and have nothing but praise for them – and yet it’s often only through a “Daddy” that they can create a parental bond with someone who validates the feelings they have of being ‘little’.

Whether you’re a Daddy on-line, over a weekend, or full-time with a live-in baby boy and nursery to match, you’re providing a little guy with a safe space to be the toddler or baby that is a deep expression of who they truly are. This expression often doesn’t have a home at – well, at home.

And nor should it: most families provide an environment to ‘grow up in’. How well they provide that environment will vary. Yet the purpose of your biological family is to prepare you for a life ahead.

For an adult baby or little boy, the life they have ahead can include lots of things, but some of it will include exploring a side that usually feels like its been there forever: inside, they feel like an innocent toddler, a mischievous little boy, or simply someone who needs time to accept care and unconditional love.

Your role as a Daddy, for however long or brief the time, provides a safe space in which they can feel safe, secure, and accepted for being little.

Even Teddy is 'Chosen Family' for the adult baby!

These relationships are often expressed in family terms. Someone is a brother or sister, a big brother, a little brother, an Uncle or a Daddy.

They are often a short-hand for very specific kinds of relationships.

But what a Daddy can appreciate is that a little guy will often have a network of ‘relationships’. These relationships represent an important community of support – people your little guy can chat with, listen to, or go to for advice or guidance.

As a Daddy, you should encourage and learn to appreciate this larger ‘family’ that a little guy will often bring to his relationship with you. They may be people he wants to have play dates with (in person, chatting on-line, or playing video games with maybe) but who he certainly should stay in touch with.

While you give your little guy validation and love, it’s important for him (like any little guy!) to also have friends he can play with, who he respects, and who he can turn to for acceptance and understanding.

As a Daddy, you are part of a ‘chosen family’. Your little guy has accepted people into his life and has created relationships that hopefully validate who he is, that provide support, and that generate a sense of acceptance and mutual care and trust.

As a Daddy, you are entering a special circle of trust and care, and it’s important to acknowledge and respect your place in that chosen circle.

Who’s Your Family?
But who is your ‘chosen family’? What do you call members of that family? Do you have a big brother or sister, an Uncle or a special friend?

And what advice would you give to new Daddy’s to help them understand their role in your life? Would you want them to know your friends and ‘brothers’? What expectations would you have?

All-time record views! (Thanks Maxen for the photo)

I was confused. I had spent years struggling with my feelings about being a caretaker, a ‘Daddy’, and had a hard time knowing whether my feelings were valid. I didn’t know whether there was a place for my feelings in a world that often seems to focus on sexual pleasure over sensual caring, on domination over giving, on the requirements of love rather than loving unconditionally.

Through this blog, I set out to simply share my feelings and to hope that one or two people might share their own in response. Over time, your e-mails kept coming, you contributed through comments, and I feel like I know some of you very deeply although we’ve never met or chatted – you’ve simply made a comment, sent an e-mail, and I feel connected to you in a very special way.

In other cases I’ve lost the trail of the conversation – sometimes I’ve met you on-line or in person but the demands of life have made it difficult to stay connected over distance and time, and I wish I could apologize to anyone I’ve ever lost track of because the demands of life took my ‘on-line focus’ away.

Over the last three days over 14,000 visits to ABDLDaddy.com have also helped to break the record for traffic to the site. On Boxing Day we set a new record with 5,000 views, and today I woke up to find that I had 5,800 in one day, an all-time record.

I don’t care about the numbers – but when I set out I thought I might get a few dozen visits per day. Your interest and attention means a lot to me, and I feel so grateful for the gifts you give both to me and the world. Thank you.

This has become a community as much as a blog and I hope we can continue to share time together. So with a New Year coming – a gift back! I’d love to hear your ideas for future posts. Put them in the comments below or e-mail me! And hugs to everyone.

The bond between Cody and his neighbour Josh has deepened as the daily rituals of diapering the boy have brought out feelings in both of them. When we last left our story, the older man had found a word to describe that feeling – “Daddy”…and he struggled to overcome the fear of what that word might mean.

If you haven’t read the previous chapters, they are listed in reverse order on the Story Page.

I decided to add a chapter as a special Christmas gift to all the little ones, baby boys, baby girls, Daddys and Mommys who read this blog. And I want to send out a warm wish to every one of you who has e-mailed me, asked me questions, or thanked me. Your support, your contributions, and your reaching out to me are all the gifts a Daddy could want on Christmas.

May your Christmas be joyous and filled with love whether you celebrate the holiday or not! Littles are a gift to the world – you remind a sometimes grey and frustrating culture that innocence, play and vulnerability are to be embraced.

I hope you celebrate the sides of yourself that are child or baby-like and that you continue to not be afraid to express the need, simply, to be loved unconditionally.

Special thanks to Corey for the photo: Merry Christmas little one.

Cody the Diaper Boy Next Door: Part 8

(A Very Special Christmas)

The Gift
Do you remember being a kid and there was “The Gift?”

You can picture the piles of wrapping paper, the boxes, the plates of cookies on the table and the adults drinking yet another cup of coffee to stay awake. You can picture yourself and maybe your siblings – still in PJs even though it’s well past noon.

But my guess is that if you try to remember what was IN all of those boxes, what all the gifts were….if you try to remember the socks or the sweater, the toy or that odd thing your Aunt got you, that you’ll have a hard time sorting it all out.

One year blurs into the next and the thing you remember most was the ritual of giving and receiving but the specifics are a little fuzzy. You can picture sitting on the floor and ripping open the presents, you can remember the look on your mother’s face as she opened the gift you made for her in art class, and you can remember wonderful smells from the kitchen.

And yet when you look back there were probably only a few things that you remember over all of those years that made you cry with delight: a train set maybe, a video game console, or the latest Harry Potter book.

One or two gifts over all of those years that stood out. They spoke to your heart. They promised a year of joy ahead.

They were exactly what you wanted.

Reading the Signs
When I look back, the months leading up to Christmas that year were a sort of slowly rolling wave. Some of the details seem a little vague but I can remember the feelings as clear as day.

Something inside me had made a decision – something deep, emotional, and charged with meaning.

And as summer rolled into Fall, as the quality of light changed and the days grew shorter, I would spend long days thinking and wondering: were these feelings ‘right’? How would my life change if I followed through? Was there a place in the world for something that seemed so….well, unusual or outside the norm?

Thankfully, Cody was there to give me signs.

I watched as a 20-year old boy who was a bundle of nervous energy and anxiety seemed to slowly transform: he became gentler, his motions seemed slower and more relaxed, he seemed to laugh more and at small little things.

As I’d send him home to bed each night he’d almost flop into my arms as I gave him a good night hug, patting his diapered bum gently, and his head would rest on my shoulder as my other hand stroked his hair.

His body seemed to give in to being hugged, cuddled, and stroked. He would sigh as if releasing some kind of inner pressure, his body would feel loose as if his muscles were responsive to the way I held and patted him, and he sometimes had a look in his eyes afterwards like he would cry with, well, with what I hoped was gentle happiness.

These were all signs to me that if nothing else, Cody needed the kind of love and attention that I had slowly come to accept I wanted to provide.

The Misunderstanding
But not everything went smoothly as Christmas approached.

First, all of us got caught up in the rush of the season. What had started with doubts and indecision soon became a plan, and I found myself distracted and away from home sometimes in the evenings.

Cody got caught up in things with friends, and there would be nights when he’d only be able to come by late in the evening for his night diaper. Rather than time together with cuddles or a movie, I’d simply diaper him and send him on his way.

As a result, we felt a little less connected and I could sense a change in Cody’s mood as a result.

But it was an afternoon’s discussion with his Gramma Joan that almost derailed things entirely. I had decided it was time to tell her, to explain my feelings, and to see if she might possibly understand the solution I proposed.

I had started by telling Joan that I had once believed we could find out why Cody wore diapers, why he wet his pants, and that if we could find the why we might be able to ‘cure’ the need.

But then I had told her that I had come to believe that there was a different solution. I explained my solution carefully, logically, but also shared my feelings and fears.

To this day my love for her will always be shaped by the kindness and understanding in her response. But little did I know that Cody had slipped into the kitchen unseen and unheard, and listened in on the last part of the conversation.

“I’m not saying it’s wrong,” Cody overheard his Gramma say. “It’s just a surprise. He’s been punished enough in life. And you know what it was like, I’ve told you. That kind of punishment stays with a boy.”

“Yes it does. And I know this all seems strange – but can you see the logic? How I feel about it?”

“Yes,” she said. “And you have my blessing, my love and support.”

And it breaks my heart to this day to think that Cody slipped quietly away and went to his room to cry. That his tears must gave torn at the fabric of his spirit.

Because here was a boy that overheard just the tail end of a conversation – and had come away from it thinking he would be punished for his feelings, that his needs and wants would be scolded out of him or, heaven forbid, beat out of him in other ways.

He didn’t know, and didn’t hear in the conversation that happened after, that his Gramma was simply expressing that perhaps this was the only way to put a past behind filled with fear, a life of punishments that could perhaps be healed by my plan.

I will forever carry with me the sadness I felt in coming to learn that Cody thought we would punish him for what was, in the end, the very essence of his spirit.

Anxious Days
As Christmas approached, I chalked Cody’s mood up to the rush of the season, the stress of too much to do, and our somewhat disjointed schedules.

For a few evenings after my chat with Joan, he didn’t show up for his nightly diapering, but I figured maybe he was out with friends and didn’t want to call on me too late.

When he returned, he seemed sullen and withdrawn, he almost seemed to flinch a little as I guided him to the bed. A look of relief would cross his face as I taped up his diaper nice and snug….not knowing that he had feared a spanking, a scolding, or worse.

When we would have dinner together, watch a movie, or when he would play video games on my living room floor – there was a distance. He was not as relaxed and his body felt slightly stiff as I’d hug him good night.

Day time diapers ceased entirely. I wondered whether he was diapering himself. Or maybe he was too distracted and those feelings had taken a back seat.

Looking back, I feel ashamed at how oblivious I was to what must have been a very hard time for the boy.

Where he had thought he had found love and acceptance, inside he was bracing for the day when we would punish him for wanting to wear diapers. He must have felt confused that I even continued to diaper him at night and must have suspected that I was saving for the day when we’d force him to face the reality of putting those needs behind.

And so while nothing distracted me from my plan, I felt a nagging sensation that the holiday season had left us all a little distracted and distant, that our schedules were out of synch – and yet held out the hope that Christmas would be the marker when all of that would change.

Christmas Morning
The preparations were complete.

I had decorated the house, put up a Christmas tree, and under it had placed three gifts.

I had seen Cody look at the tree and what must have seemed like a sparse haul – but had smiled inwardly, hoping that it would make the surprise more thrilling for the boy.

As the days had ticked off and Christmas approached, I felt nervous. I had his Gramma’s blessing, I had thought through everything, and yet I was still filled with – well, I should admit it: I was filled with fear.

I was afraid about how big a change I was making, I was afraid of what other people might think, but most of all I was afraid of how he would react.

On Christmas morning, Cody showed up at my door as planned. I had told him I had a few things to give him and wanted some time with him alone.

He carried a gift for me as well which I opened as he got settled on the couch. It was a lovely first-edition book that stunned me with its thoughtfulness.

Then I looked at the boy. He sat in a floppy pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt: the kind any 20-year old boy might wear when lounging around the house.

He wasn’t diapered: he had taken his night diaper off to exchange gifts with his Gramma and have breakfast together.

Choices to Come
“Cody, I have four gifts for you,” I said. “And I want you to understand something.”

He nodded, glancing under the tree where only three gifts were clearly visible.

“Son, now listen carefully.”

He looked at me….and I saw a look in his eyes that startled me. It was a look of apprehension, of fear, a look that seemed to hold back tears. My heart started pounding as I was flooded with a sudden premonition that the worst might come true and he would say “No”.

“There are…well, there are four gifts,” I almost stammered, a sense of apprehension now in both of us. “And I want you to know that you can accept or decline each gift.”

He looked at me and I can’t say what was going through his mind. Did he think this was the day he would be told it was over? That he would be punished for being wrong? For needing something that boys his age shouldn’t need?

“I’ll explain with each gift son, but at any time you can just say no.”

His face relaxed, but only slightly. He had a choice. He didn’t know what the choice would be, but having a choice held for him a slim ray of hope.

The Gifts

Gift One
I handed him the first gift. He held it in his hands and looked at me.

“This gift is because I love all of you,” I said. “It’s something I know you want and would help me stay connected with you, and help you stay connected with the world too.”

He carefully unwrapped it revealing the latest Smart Phone. It had all the features and was the best on the market. He had been talking about it for months and he broke out into a crooked grin.

“Awww wow,” he said. “Thanks so much Josh, it’s what I wanted – sooooo coool.”

I watched him as he tugged it out of the box and started flipping it around in his hands. He looked for all the world like a happy 20-year old on Christmas Day – happy but cool.

“I take it you say yes to that one,” I said, smiling. He nodded happily.

“That gift represents that I love all of you, all of your interests and hopes.” I said.

He grinned and nodded, as if he had accepted that in some ways he was just a 20-year old boy who liked cool things.

Cody, Ready for Santa! (Thanks Corey for the Photo!)

“Now, this one you’ll understand. And it’s your first big choice.”

He glanced over at me.

“Open it,” I said.

He tore back the wrapping paper revealing a box. As he opened the top of the box and saw what was inside his body slumped perceptibly. I saw a shimmer in his eyes and what looked like tears forming.

I shuffled over on the couch and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“These diapers are for you, Cody,” I said.

I pulled out one of the sealed up bundles of diapers. They were bright white with babyish patterns on them.

I watched his reaction. This would be the first time he would imagine wearing diapers with such childish prints. As I unsealed the package and pulled out one of the crinkly diapers, I explained his decision:

“But Cody, your decision isn’t just whether you want these diapers.” He looked at me, confused, emotions rushing across his face. “Your decision is whether you want to wear diapers full time. To always be in diapers, day or night.”

I paused and waited. I know what I imagined – hesitation, maybe, emotion, excitement.

But I was not prepared for him to burst suddenly into tears, to collapse against me, blubbering and crying like a little boy.

“But you don’t….you don’t….want me…don’t want me…in them! You’re going to…..punish me for it!”

“What? Cody! What would give you that idea?”

As I held him, crying in my arms, I tried to soothe him by rubbing his back, stroking his hair. As he cried, he gulped out the story of what he had heard – and of his belief that his Gramma and I were conspiring to punish him for wanting to wear diapers.

At that point, I started crying myself – torn apart inside at the boy’s misunderstanding, his sullen mood of the past weeks now clear to me.

“Awww Cody, I’m so sorry….you misunderstood,” I said as I soothed the crying boy, explaining to him simply that he had only heard a part of our discussion – that we would never punish him, that we loved him.

Yet even my assurances did not seem to soothe the sobs, the way his body almost convulsed with emotions as I held him.

And then knew what to do.

A Diapering and An Answer
I pried him off me and gently lay him on the couch. I slipped his shorts and underwear down and guided him to lift his bum so I could slip the babyish diaper under him.

I pulled the diaper up at the front, adjusting it carefully, admiring a bit how it looked, how it crinkled, how it started to hug his hips as I pulled it into place. I then carefully taped it up with the two large tapes and adjusted it at the waist.

As I diapered him I watched as the tears turned from gulps and sobs into something lighter. As I put him in the childish diaper, as I looked at how it fit at his waist almost to his belly button, I also watched as his body seemed to almost collapse with relief.

His face slackened, his limbs became loose, and the feeling of the diaper seemed to transform him into a feeling that I imagined felt….well, felt safe.

“Awww, look at you in your cute little baby diaper,” I said. And he almost gurgled in response, bringing his hand involuntarily towards his mouth. “It’s OK baby, suck your thumb. Such a cute baby boy in your diaper.”

I smiled gently down at him and saw him blush pleasurably – at the word “baby”? At being given permission to suck his thumb? I’m not sure – but the look had the effect of easing my own anxieties.

“Now baby….it’s your choice. I will never punish you for saying yes, and I will never punish you for saying no. But you can wear your diapers always if you want. No more potty, no more undies, just your diapers. It’s up to you.”

I looked in his eyes which were still brimming with tears. With a blush and a slight tilt of his head he nodded “Yes”.

The Third Gift
Cody lay on his back as I brought the third gift to him. He looked up at me, his features now almost glowing – the Cody who melted my heart, the 20-year old who looked to me like a little boy had returned. The bundle of anxiety replaced with softness, vulnerability in his face and body.

I had to help him unwrap the third gift….his hands fumbled a little and he kept slipping his thumb back in his mouth.

What spilled out looked at first like a baby blue t-shirt, but I held it up and watched his reaction as he realized that it was a cute babyish romper with snaps between the legs. The soft cloth probably looked snuggly to the boy, the baby blue color soothing, the careful stitching assuring.

I carefully did up one of the snaps at the legs so he could hear the ‘click’ and realize how snug the romper would be around his diaper, and how easy changes would be.

And then I saw him beam and his eyes widen as he noticed what was on the front. I saw him focus on the teddy bear patch on the romper and the words underneath that read:

“Daddy’s Baby Boy”

He blinked through new tears that welled up in his eyes and looked at me.

“This is your choice too son. But it’s a choice I’ve made as well,” I said in soft soothing tones. “I had this made especially for you – and what it says on it has a very special meaning. I’ve thought long and hard about this, I’ve worried and wondered and yet know that every part of me wants you to say yes.”

He was already lifting himself up so he could wrap his arms around me and I held mine out in return.

I found myself hugging him tightly before I could even finish explaining his choice.

I held him and stroked his back, his neck, his crinkly diapered bottom.

“Will you let me be your Daddy,” I asked, choking back my tears.

And to this day, there is one gift amongst all the gifts I have received and it is perhaps the only one that truly matters.

Because for all the gifts that the universe gave me, for all the gestures large or small that people have made, for all the things, or rewards, or items that people have given, the tangible goods the world provided me, the house or the friends or my health or the places I have seen, the greatest gift of all was when he said:

“Yes, Daddy. Yes.”

In particular, I love how he includes a section on “why Daddy will like it” – in this case the answer being…..well, you’ll just have to watch it to find out!

Do you use inserts or boosters in your diapers? And what kind?

Special thanks to Corey for the Awesome Photos

With Christmas almost upon us, Daddy will have his hands full with an excited adult baby or little boy.

Dreams of Santa and of special gifts under the Christmas tree will leave him jumping up and down and insisting on tugging your hand and dragging you into yet another toy store. Even if your little guy doesn’t celebrate Christmas, it’s still a special time of the year – holidays, time with family, and with luck lots of special time between Daddy and ’son’.

But one holiday tradition has a bit of a special place – and that’s the tradition of a parent reminding their child about Santa’s “naughty or nice” list. And as a Daddy to an adult baby this tradition can have a special place as you prepare your little boy for the holiday season ahead.

Naughty or Nice?
As a Daddy, you provide guidance to your little guy. You help create structure so that he has a safe place to express himself and to let go of his adult feelings and responsibilities.

This can mean setting ground rules: bed times, naps, being polite and, of course, the popular “no potty” rule.

Throughout the year, you may have had to gently guide him to remembering how safe and important these rules and structures are. All the little rituals that make up your relationship provide him with consistency and a feeling of stability and safety.

Some Daddy’s will use light forms of punishment (corner times or spankings, say), although my personal preference is more on the side of rewarding good behavior and gentle guidance otherwise.

But as Christmas approaches a Daddy is given a new tool in his tool kit: Santa’s Naughty or Nice list. And while it might seem like an opportunity to encourage proper behavior, this is actually a special opportunity to build your little guys sense of worth and his confidence that he really is Daddy’s little boy.

Good Little Boys

Truth is, most little boys will be on their best behavior as Santa’s arrival approaches. And while you might find yourself saying: “Now, be a good boy so Santa brings you lots of presents” the reality is he’s probably just having a hard time holding in his excitement.

What other time of the year involves so many toys and candy, afterall?

But as a Daddy, you can make this an even more special time of the year. Use this as a time to give your little guy constant reminders and reassurances of how proud you are, of how you think he’s special, of how much you accept that he’s a baby boy who needs his Daddy.

At night, sit down with your little guy and cuddle him and tell him what a good boy he’s been. Tell him that Santa will be impressed, but that Daddy is even more impressed!

Tell him how proud you are that he used his diapers that day like a good little boy. Tell him how much joy you get seeing how excited he is for Christmas. And remind him that no matter what that Daddy loves him and adores all the ways he is your little boy.

If your little guy gets excited at the toy store, don’t try to calm him down. Instead, tell him that Santa will see what an excited little boy he is and that Daddy’s happy that his baby boy is looking forward to the holidays. Give him a little pat on his diapered bum and show him that it’s OK to let all his excitement and happiness out.

Every Day is Special
Christmas is special, but for a Daddy every day is amazing when you have a little boy in your life. The holiday season is your baby boy’s time to live all the special feelings of being little. And for Daddy, it’s a time to give him every reassurance that he will forever be your baby boy.

So what are the special things you would like to do with Daddy as the holidays approach? Do you watch Christmas shows together, go to the toy store, or watch a parade?

Bath time isn’t just about getting your little guy clean – it’s one of the most important rituals of the week and creates a special bond between Daddy and the adult baby boy. It might not be practical every day depending on your circumstances but giving your little boy or baby a bath combines the perfect set of feelings and sense of care and should be an important and consistent part of the week (or day!).

For the adult baby boy, bath time will take him through a range of feelings.

These feelings create another safe space where he can experience the full range of being Daddy’s little boy – a sense of play, nurturing, and being totally in someone’s care.

Diapered Boys Need Baths!
As Daddy runs the water for your bath, he’ll undress you. As you stand by the bath in just your diaper, you’ll remember the special feeling of being Daddy’s diapered little guy.

He might give the front of your diaper another little check, reminding you how wet or messy you are, and as he carefully un-tapes you and the cool air touches your damp skin you’ll know that a bath really is needed.

Bubble Fun
But what’s a bath without some fun? Piles of foamy bubbles are a must of course – and so are bath toys! Rubber duckies, little boats, squirty toys.

Daddy will probably laugh as you splash around in your bath and try to avoid getting too soaked himself. He might make funny noises as he dive bombs one of your toys, or he might put a smudge of bubbles on your nose making you giggle.

As you start to settle down a little and the warm water calms you – you’ll feel Daddy with a soft cloth cleaning your back. The soothing feeling of the little circles he makes as he washes you, the way he gently cleans your tummy, and the natural way you shift slightly so he can clean your diaper area will give you a special feeling of being cared for as you continue to play with your toys.

This focus – being aware of Daddy cleaning you while paying attention to the bubbles and toys, isn’t unlike the feeling you have about your diapers. They are there, they are part of you – but over time you just naturally use them and know that Daddy is in the background to take care of them.

Now, as you have your bath, Daddy is just “there” – cleaning you while you focus on the fun of the bubbles and toys.

Gentle and Sleepy
A bath is fun – but as the warm water and Daddy’s care envelopes you, you’ll also start to feel a little sleepy…this is the result of your relaxed feeling and the almost hypnotic state of being cared for.

Daddy will sense when you’ve had your fill of bath time – and will carefully wash your hair, rinsing it carefully – the last step in making his boy squeaky clean.

The smell of the bubbles, the baby shampoo, and the lightly scented soap might leave you feeling more ‘babyish’ than ever – it’s almost as if you stepped into the bath as a little boy and will leave with a relaxed feeling of being very little.

Daddy will wrap you in a super big towel and carefully dry you – and then, of course, lead you to the change table where he’ll put you in a nice crinkly new diaper or soft padding with your plastic pants.

While you might not think of the diaper as part of bath time it really is – because Daddy is affirming a circle – from a diapered boy back to a diapered boy, and within that circle you’ve learned that it’s OK to have the kind of joyous fun, the sort of gentle care, and to be fully your Daddy’s little baby boy.

And what are your special rituals for bath time? Do you have favorite toys? And how do you feel as Daddy gives you a bath and you sense his love and care?