I’ve been so amazed and touched by the questions and comments from people who have read this blog, or who have e-mailed me about their feelings and experiences. One of the reasons I started this blog was that I couldn’t find much advice for dads to adult babies/diaper lovers.
Actually – that isn’t true, and thus this post. Because there are definitely dads out there, I just don’t relate to some of their ways of expressing their relationship to a little one. I do feel that all forms of expression and care are valid and provide rich opportunities for personal exploration. But there are some things about being a daddy that I just don’t feel suit my personality or interests.
In particular, I’m very focused on nurturing, caring, love, and approval. When people ask me about ‘punishments’ my response is usually to say that positive reinforcement, structure, guidance and approval work better than what a ‘stricter’ daddy might provide.
Now, for all you little ones out there, this is probably a lot more of a dad-to-dad talk so you might want to go watch cartoons. But if you can’t help peeking over daddy’s shoulder as he does serious adult type stuff maybe the scribbles will make sense.
The Spectrum of Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers
So I was thinking a lot about dads and their AB/DL ‘sons’, why sometimes it might be a match, or why there are differences. Let’s take it as a given for a second that an AB/DL needs to, wants to or accepts wearing diapers (as part of the rules or structure of a relationship).
I was thinking that interests on two variables make a big difference in how a daddy/son relationship is constructed: the sense of regression versus fetish; and the sense of caring versus control. Where a dad or son feels most ‘at home’ can make a big difference.
To illustrate (yes, daddy made a picture!):
Now, I probably need to spend more time on some sample questions, and I suspect most people can pretty easily put themselves on the scales above anyways, but to explain what I mean let’s look at a few of the AB/DL dimensions:
Caring versus Control
Which of the following means more to you:
- Being cuddled and snuggled (-1) or having structure and discipline (+1)?
- Having a daddy who is gentle and loving (-1) or a daddy who is firm and maybe even strict (+1)?
- Having a daddy who creates a safe space for you filled with warmth (-1), or having a daddy who you love being obedient to (+1)?
- Being excited because you like spending time in daddy’s company (-1), or being excited because you know daddy will make you do what’s right (+1)?
- Feeling that you need someone who nurtures you (-1), or feeling like being under someone’s supervision is important (+1)?
Regression versus Fetish
Which of the following means more to you:
- Diapers are part of a larger feeling of being a little kid (-1), or diapers are, well, stimulating (+1)?
- I never mix my ‘little’ side with more sexual feelings (-1), or being diapered is almost entirely related to the physical (+1)?
- Baby, toddler or boy’s clothing helps put me in a ‘little’ state of mind (-1), or they make me feel erotic (+1)?
- I think of diapers as an expression of who I am (-1), or more like a ‘badge’, uniform, or turn-on (+1)?
- I like knowing other DL/ABs because they’d make good play mates (-1), or they’d make good “play” mates (+1)?
Now, you’ll find that you’re either fairly clearly in one ‘quadrant’ or maybe you’re in the middle, shift from day-to-day, or tick off a big “depends on who the daddy is”. And I do believe that our personalities are fluid, dynamic and change with the situation.
But in your heart-of-hearts, which are you more like?
The diaper slave who finds that there’s a deep bond of love in the fact that he obeys his daddy, is diapered by him, and will do whatever it takes to please?
The diaper lover who can mostly leave the babyish stuff unless daddy really insists, and who finds the idea of a pair of diapers under a pair of jeans riveting, and who finds a wet nappy erotic?
The obedient baby who needs the firm guidance of his daddy, some discipline if you misbehave, spankings on occasion for being naughty, but who is also a much-loved child who looks adorable in short-alls and whose paci isn’t far away?
Or, the baby boy who likes to be cared for, cuddled, changed, dressed, put in a crib, diapered and loved by your trusting caring daddy?